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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  March 4, 2016 12:37am-1:38am EST

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- tina fey. star of "grandfathered," actor john stamos. from "saturday night live," comedian jay pharoah. featuring the 8g band with patrick carney. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. former nominee, mitt romney gave a speech today to try to stop donald trump from securing the republican nomination. and in a related story, a japanese soldier fired his rifle at godzilla. [ laughter ]
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that's not enough to stop him. mitt romney gave a speech at the university of utah this morning, critical of donald trump. and in it, he said trump's promises are as worthless as the degree from trump university. then romney dropped the mic and it broke his toe. [ laughter ] ben carson sat out tonight's 11th republican debate and kind of the first ten. [ laughter ] chris christie was asked today about his vacant expression during donald trump's super tuesday victory speech, and told reporters, "i wasn't anything other than happy." well, if that expression means you are happy, then my wife was thrilled when i forgot her birthday. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i'm so sorry. a new study shows that the rate of unintended pregnancies in the u.s. has dropped by 18%. the drop is attributed to a new
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incredibly effective contraceptive. [ laughter ] no thank you. no. i'm fine. i don't want a drink. thank you, though. a farm in ohio has the words "no trump" written so large in cow manure, that it could be seen by overhead planes. the craziest part? no one asked the cow to do that. [ laughter ] even cows know. [ cheers and applause ] x-rated website pornhub has revealed america's most popular porn search term to be "lesbian." while the most popular google search is "how to clear your browser history." ikea has announced it's developed a new packaging material grown from mushrooms, which could replace styrofoam. plus, if you eat the mushrooms the ikea directions start to make sense. [ laughter ] oh, yeah, all right. here we go.
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i need to put the flurgen in the gurgen. [ applause ] nasa estimates that during his year in space, astronaut scott kelly drank almost 200 gallons of water filtered from his own urine and sweat, and then on the last day, he found all the fiji bottles he brought with him. [ laughter ] no! this is urine! why? and finally, according to recent surveys, 15% of americans have admitted to cooking in the nude. unfortunately, most of them work at chipotle. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen we have a great show for you tonight. from the new film "whiskey, tango, foxtrot," our good friend, tina fey is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is the star of fox's "grandfathered," and netflix's "fuller house," john stamos is at the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ]
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and another old colleague of mine, one of the stars of "snl," jay pharaoh is on the show for the very first time tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i'm looking forward to talking to him. but before we get to that, yesterday, the supreme court heard oral arguments in what could be the most important abortion case in 20 years. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: okay, so the first thing to know is that thanks to roe v. wade, women have a constitutional right to abortion in america. but over the last 20 years, that right has been under attack by anti-abortion forces, who think that even if they can't make abortion illegal, they can make getting one more difficult. in fact, since roe v. wade in 1973, states have enacted 1,074 abortion restrictions. of these, 288 or 27% have been enacted just since 2010. the only thing that increased more than abortion restrictions in the last five years are new emojis and amount you hear bruno mars at the gym.
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now an example of one of these restrictions is a new law passed in kentucky this month requiring women to have a medical consultation 24 hours before having an abortion. now the idea that you have to get a consultation before exercising a fundamental constitutional right seems demeaning and sexist to many, including kentucky state lawmaker, mary lou marzian, who responded by proposing a bill that would require men to quote, "have two doctor visits and provide a signed and dated letter from their spouses providing consent before they could obtain erectile dysfunction drugs like viagra." which is fantastic. honey, will you write me a note for viagra? um, actually, i wanted to do some reading this weekend, so no. [ laughter ] so those kind of restrictions have become commonplace over the last five years, and yesterday, the supreme court heard arguments on an anti-abortion law in texas that is pretty obviously aimed at trying to curb access to abortion. >> it requires that abortions take place in very expensive
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facilities known as ambulatory surgical centers. it also requires all abortion providers have admitting privileges at local hospitals. the end result in texas is that you have 5.4 million women of reproductive age who may be left with only ten abortion clinics. >> seth: ten clinics for 5.4 million women. and making matters worse, the waiting rooms just have one "us weekly" from like 1982. before stars were like us. now texas lawmakers claim the new rules are just to protect women's health and safety, but they're not. these lawmakers care about safety the way olive garden cares about portion control, not at all. [ laughter ] as justice elena kagan pointed out yesterday, "there are many procedures that are much higher risk. colonoscopies, liposuctions, we could go on and on. and of course the reason colonoscopies aren't regulated like abortions is that all men have, and some even are ass [ bleep ]." [ laughter ] but kagan was joined by the other two female justices in hammering away at texas' argument that texas is doing this for the benefit of women.
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justice sonia sotomayor pointed out that one of the undue burdens in the is law this. currently, for a nonsurgical abortion, a woman can take two prescribed pills at home. but if the law stands, she has to travel 200 miles or pay for a hotel to get those two days of treatment. driving 200 miles to do something you can do at home. imagine the outrage if you told men they had to go to albany to masturbate? and meet with a counselor 24 hours ahead of time. who are you going to fantasize about? oh, from the progressive ads? [ laughter ] in the end, it was justice ruth bader ginsburg who, when the lawyers representing texas continued to claim that the regulations were pro-women's health, cut to the chase and pointed out that, quote, "a woman has the fundamental right to make this choice for herself, but for now, the choice is in the hands of justice anthony kennedy," who is the swing vote in this case. a four-four vote mean the texas law stands and women in texas will continue to face hurdles to get health care, which isn't right. it shouldn't be harder for women to access health care than to access "uptown funk."
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this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. still don't think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me. but only if you have a brain. shop kohl's... friday night owls and saturday early birds... for the new sonoma goods for life collection... save 50 to 60% on everyday apparel for him and for her... and 40% for the kids.
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>> seth: welcome back to "late night" everybody. please give it up for the 8g band over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, he's been sitting in all week on drums, from the black keys, patrick carney is with us. [ cheers and applause ] it has been an honor, patrick. please come back anytime. now, do you guys know what a casserole is? a casserole is a meal where you throw a bunch of different kinds of foods in a dish and you sort of cook it up. and what you get is what you get. the reason i bring this up is we here at "late night", we come up with tons of different ideas all the time for the show. and many of them aren't quite enough to be a full sketch, a full meal, if you will. so instead of just discarding all those ideas we thought we'd throw them together, casserole style in a segment we call "late night casserole." ♪ [ applause ] >> seth: all right, first up, one of our writers thought
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instead of showing celebrities caught without their make up, it would be funny to show celebrities caught with their make up. in a segment cleverly titled, "celebrities caught with their make up." ♪ okay, let's check out the first celebrity. looks like we caught this hollywood star wearing make up. uh-oh. [ light laughter ] that was celebrities caught with their make up. [ applause ] not enough for a full sketch, but a fine, a fine piece of writing. [ light laughter ] have you heard of gaydar? great. well, gaydar is when an individual is able to look at a person and know if they are gay or not. so, here's the premise, what if american supreme court justice ruth bader ginsburg had really good gaydar? well, then you'd have the popular new "late night" character, ruth gaydar ginsburg. [ light laughter ] gay.
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[ light laughter ] or not gay? not gay. [ light laughter ] gay. gay, gay, gay. [ light laughter ] all right. there's something there. there's something there. that might be better than casserole. [ applause ] all right. you guys heard of the word a day calendars? who's got one? great. okay. [ light laughter ] one of my writers comes to me and says what would it be like instead of a word a day if it was a sound a day calendar. it's a calendar where instead of learning new words you get to learn new sounds. [ light laughter ] let's take a look or rather a listen. [ glass shatters ] that's shattering glass. let's try another one. [ thump ] that was a tub of potato salad hitting the floor. [ light laughter ]
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see what's up next. [ creak ] [ moo ] you got it, a tree falling on to a cow. [ laughter ] you know what? we don't have time for this. let's rip through a bunch of them. [ motor revving ] [ horn ] [ pop ] [ cartoon boing ] [ cartoon twang ] [ cartoon bounce ] what are these? they're all the same. [ cartoon spring ] very well made. [ sharp whistle ] [ cartoon buzz ] [ cartoon stretch ] [ pie splat ] [ cartoon whiplash ] all right, that's way too many of these. [ creak ] [ moo ] we heard that one. all right, let's just do one more. [ wailing ] that's the sound of americans on the day of trump's inauguration. [ cheers and applause ] that's one -- we are making a pretty good casserole here you guys. you guys been paying attention to the debates? great. real quick, just because i
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didn't feel like it. how many of you had a word a day calendar? great. okay. so. [ light laughter ] if you were watching the presidential debates, what happens before every presidential debate the candidates, they get a tour of the stage. it's explained to them how the candidates are going to work. and they often show -- the networks often show that footage without the sound. so you can't hear what they are actually saying. well our writers are the best writers. [ light laughter ] have dubbed over the clips with the dialog they imagine is being said. let's take a look. we'll start with john kasich. >> now, governor this is your podium. you'll be standing behind it. there will be people over there, audience members, they're in the audience. also the people to your left. my left and your left. and then you'll talk to those people during the debates other candidates will talk to people during the debate. yeah, they're in the center. >> did you tell him about the center? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: that's good. you know what? that's so good, let's take a look at one with jeb bush. >> okay, governor, so, what we have here -- what? >> is this water down here? [ laughter ] love water. water is funny. >> me too. >> everybody drinks it. everybody drinks water. [ light laughter ] >> that's true. that's true. >> should i use that as a joke in the debate? i think it might kill. >> uh, governor, i'm not sure -- >> pick it up and go -- ah, this is why i'm losing. >> seth: very nice. [ applause ] very nice. all right. that goes right into the casserole. all right. no idea. i cannot stress, no idea is too strange for "late night casserole" and that will become abundantly clear when you see our next and final piece. one of our writers, conner o'malley, he's a big fan of charlie rose, big fan. favorite part is the theme song of charlie rose. here he is, connor o'malley doing an interpretive dance to the theme music from charlie rose.
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♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that is a delicious casserole. we'll be right back with more "late night." ♪ covering
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trident. cherish your teeth. alright, what do you think boys? we could do tacos. we could do some thai. ooo... how 'bout sushi, eh? [weird dog moan/squeak] why not? [dog yawning/squeaking] no, we're not, we're not having barbecue... again. [quiet dog groan] why? because you're on four legs, and i'm on two... and i'm driving. that's why. [dog whine] sushi it is. ♪
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>> seth: welcome back to "late night" everybody. our first guest tonight has earned eight emmys, three golden globes. and is a recipient of mark twain prize for american humor. she's staring as a war time journalist in her latest film "whiskey tango foxtrot" which opens in theatres friday. let's take a look. >> can i ask a favor, kim? absolutely feel free to say no. >> yeah, sure. >> i hate to even bring it up. i feel so rude even asking this. >> no, it's fine. >> can i have sex with your security guy? >> oh, by all means. don't say it just to be polite. >> i wouldn't, i'm not. >> even nick? >> no, that would never happen. so you're good. >> hey, you can have nick. can i just say, you're a serious piece of ass. >> thank you, oh, that's nice. >> because you're what? you are like seven, six, seven in new york? >> yeah? >> you're a nine, borderline ten. >> what are you here, like a 15? >> yeah. >> huh. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, my good friend, tina fey everybody!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good, how are you? >> seth: so great to see you. >> nice to see you. >> seth: it was nice see you at the oscars. you and steve carell got to present. >> yeah. >> seth: how was your oscars evening? >> it was pretty good, you know. it was exciting like, adam mckay -- >> seth: former head writer of "snl." >> the former head writer of "snl" won an oscar. >> seth: yeah. >> and we're pretty sure that's the first ever "snl" alum oscar, right, we think. >> seth: i guess that's right, yeah. >> as far as we know, i don't want to be like sam smith and go out on a limb here and be wrong. [ laughter ] >> seth: so will sam smith -- >> dan aykroyd's in a twitter war with me. but yeah, i feel like there have been nominees before but so -- that's pretty cool. >> seth: yeah, it's nice, especially nice because when you think of the -- adam had, i know you overlapped with him. >> yeah, adam gave me my job. >> seth: really? but all the same couches.
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people who are working there now are on the same couches that an oscar winner worked on. >> yeah. >> seth: because they don't turn those couches over. >> under those couches are probably an oscar winner's boogers. [ laughter ] >> seth: then you also, was it is sag awards you and amy got to present? carol burnett. >> yeah, amy and i got to give a lifetime achievement award to carol burnett which is a super big deal and it was interesting because we realized, partly we realized that anyone under 35 was like oh, that's nice. and then everyone 35 and up was like oh, my gosh. we were like i know. and it was like such a huge deal. and thankfully my body wouldn't let me process what huge deal it was until i got back to the hotel and i was like oh, my gosh, carol burnett. [ laughter ] i was like alone in my hotel room having a real freak out about it. it was pretty cool. >> seth: people at the security called up, they're like people on both sides of your hotel are saying there's a woman saying carol burnett. >> there's a woman crying alone about carol burnett. >> seth: so congrats on the movie. >> thank you. >> seth: so this, this is a chicago tribune reporter? >> yeah, there's a woman named kim barker who wrote a book called the "taliban shuffle"
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about being a print journalist in afghanistan and pakistan. and there was review of the book in the "new york times" where michiko kakutani said, oh, kim writes herself like a tina fey character. and then i was like, i'm going to read that book. [ laughter ] >> seth: you basically skim all book reviews. >> yeah, and when it doesn't say anything about me, i don't read. [ light laughter ] the book was really funny and dramatic and so, yeah, we took it to lorne and to paramount and they let us make a movie out of it. >> seth: that's fantastic, and you shot in new mexico for afghanistan? >> yes. yeah. >> seth: so my wife is from new mexico. i spend a lot of time there. how was your time? did you enjoy new mexico? >> i love new mexico. we were half the time in santa fe, half the time in albuquerque. santa fe is gorgeous. it's like mountains and these restaurants are amazing. and everyone that lives there, it looks like the whole place is just like women who were once married to don henley. [ light laughter ]
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these like gorgeous like 58 year old blonde women and like thick squash blossom necklaces. >> seth: i feel like every other store front is like a gallery. like a georgia o'keeffe gallery. >> so many galleries. i seriously loved it. >> seth: there's a -- >> 10,000 ways. >> seth: 10,000 ways, i was going to ask if that was spa you went to. i went there. my wife took me there for my birthday. how was your 10,000 ways time? >> it was great. >> seth: it's a beautiful spa. >> it's a beautiful spa. and you can get like your friends can get like your own private hot tub. it's like in the mountains, all these little doors and warrens and different places and so i went there with a bunch of my friends. we were working on the movie and so we were like walking around. it was very crowded. i went back, took a little hot tub. and i was going back into the ladies locker room and there was a couple getting a tour. and they started to walk into the lady's locker room. it was a very confusing way and so i was like, oh i'm so sorry, this is actually the lady's locker room. and then the part of the couple that i thought was the gentleman look at me and said "i got [ bleep ]." >> seth: okay. [ laughter ]
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that's a rough thing to hear. >> yeah. i was like, it was a gray buzz cut, basketball shorts. like it was an honest mistake. but i felt so bad. that then i proceeded to deeply over compensate. >> seth: oh no. [ laughter ] >> and then i was like oh no, and i'm so sorry. i kept trying to like engage with this couple who weren't interested in talking to me. they were like trying to figure out, they were like, how do we do these lockers? and i was like what you do is -- you just have to set it to zero. and they were like, all right. they were right next to me in the locker room. i'm not prejudice in that way at all. i wanted them to know it was an honest mistake. then i found myself taking off my bathing suit at them. [ laughter ] you guys from around here? i just was like when would you ever -- you are in a locker room. turn around, you are taking your bathing suit off. but i just wanted them to like me so bad. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's still the way you think to make people like you. >> i know and it never works. [ laughter ] >> seth: you need to have better self-esteem.
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you've accomplished so much. it's not about just taking your bathing suit off in front of people. >> at them. [ laughter ] but if they see this again i'm so sorry. >> seth: we were talking backstage. your kids now, your daughters are 10 and four. >> yeah. >> seth: i'm about to have my first. >> congratulations. >> seth: thank you so much. [ cheers ] you were saying -- i'm saying i can't wait to see your movie and you told me that i'm never going to see it now -- >> the next movie you see is going to be "kung fu panda 4." [ laughter ] you're never see it. >> seth: never going to see another adult movie ever again. but 10 and four, are those fun ages? >> very sweet, very sweet. they are a nice distance apart. they don't fight too much. and the little one is getting to that -- four is a very sweet age, very affectionate. when i go leave to go to work in the morning they're like no, i want one more, one more kiss and one more hug. and she'll chase me to the door. and then i'm going down the elevator and you hear her going like, i love you, i love you so much. >> seth: aww. >> and my husband goes where she goes i love you, i love you so much. and it's just like so, so lovely. then the other day, i heard her saying it to her poop going down
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the toilet. [ laughter ] literally the same exact line. she goes, bye, poopy, i love you, i love you so much. [ laughter ] fair enough. [ light laughter ] fair enough. >> seth: your husband jeff richman, a fantastic musician. >> yes. >> seth: are the kids musically inclined? >> i think they are. certainly more than i am. i think they have a little bit of his skills. they play some instruments already. >> seth: you're somewhat musical. >> i'm okay. we did a benefit recently. we did this benefit for lincoln center where we got a bunch of "snl" people and then some singers to sing this thing. we are all rehearsing, singing these songs. and i had to sing a three-part harmony thing with kate mckinnon and cecily strong who are good singers. i was practicing at home one day. and i was like oh, and my 10-year-old was like what are you working on? i said, oh, i'm singing the high part. so you know i have to practice a lot. and she just like deadeye looked at me and she goes, do you think that's a good idea?
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[ laughter ] for you to have the high part? should you have the high part? i was like, alright, daddy's little girl get out of my face. >> seth: i like that your 10-year-old is cutting and the 4-year-old is just like friendly to poop. >> friendly to poop. [ light laughter ] >> seth: very far apart. >> i think i'm doing a great job. [ light laughter ] >> seth: so we were talking backstage about challenge coins. i want you to explain this to me. >> yeah, so is cool. because in this movie, we got to meet a lot of great air force people. and some people who were really air force people i think we dress like marines in the movie. they have this thing called challenge coins. which is officers in the military, if they want to give a thank you to someone below them they give them these coins of their rank. and so these guys when they go out, if they go out to a bar, at the end of the week or whatever. people pull out their challenge coins. whoever had the highest ranking challenge coin drinks for free. >> seth: and so it's not their rank. somebody had to give it to them. >> right. somebody had to hand it down. so if you are a general, you can give it to somebody beneath you. and then they can be like i have a general, what do you got? and so we tried to get some as a thank you to the people that helped us with the movie. we got some and apparently i
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think the highest ranking you can get, i think is actually first lady. we asked for some presidential ones, which is like the second highest. they sent me one as well. i got one for the guy who helped us but then i go one so i have a presidential coin. so i won a free drink. >> seth: that's great and that is so good because i know you. you are the biggest booze hound on earth. [ laughter ] >> right, i'm going to definitely always be like, does it work for nachos? [ laughter ] what about mini pizzas? but i was thinking, we should make these for comedy. we should have comedy challenge coins. >> seth: so the highest ranked comedian? >> yeah, you're in the bar and you're like. i got a chris rock. >> seth: i drink for free. [ light laughter ] >> i have a 1960s, bill cosby. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: that's a very high one. well thank you so much for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> seth: i will buy you a drink anytime. >> you take that, you drink for free. >> seth: i'm going to buy you a drink. you are saying that because i drink more than you. [ light laughter ] give it up for tina fey, everybody.
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[ cheers and applause ] "whiskey tango foxtrot" is in theatres friday. we'll be right back with john stamos. ♪ 3d touch on iphone 6s responds to the pressure of your finger. so you can do a ton of stuff in a lot less time. like look at a site without going to it. or watch a video without opening it. you can do pretty much everything faster. shooting stuff. music stuff. couch shopping. shoe shopping. running. kind of. checking a flight from an email. i'm peeking my flight. i'm not peeking my flight. i'm peeking my...wait, i missed my flight. owl photos. desert photos. photos of... dolphins! a high-stepping man. pizza gifs. it's all faster with 3d touch on iphone 6s. what beer may i fetch you, my lord? umm... i'll have a redd's apple ale. and perhaps a wrench. no. a wrench, a wrench. redd's apple ale.
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beggin' because, bacon! (phoyeah.brates) you gotta come spring me. you and i were rapscallions alexa, what's in the news? here's the news. alec baldwin and jason schwartzman were seen mooning paparazzi. baldwin threw a shoe at photographers... i did it again. four bandits chose a prius as their getaway car.. bravo-niner, in pursuit of a toyota prius. over. how hard is it to catch a prius? over. this thing is actually pretty fast. over. very funny. ♪ oh look, a farmer's market. we should get some flowers for the car. yeah! holly! toyota. let's go places.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is currently reprising his role as uncle jesse, on netflix's "fuller house." you can also see him in the new series "grandfathered" every tuesday on fox. let's take a look. >> hi, jimmy. >> hi. i just came by to tell you that i borrowed 20 bucks from ravi and i have no intention of ever paying him back.
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catherine, you're amazing. and i really like you. i know i was an idiot. and i'll tell you if you were anyone else, i would have moved on by now but i don't want to and i don't think you want to either. >> everything okay? or is this ken doll giving you a problem. ♪ >> seth: please welcome to the show, john stamos! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: what a delight to see you. >> all right! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: always so nice to see you. >> hey. >> seth: this is good show. now -- >> seth, let me start by saying you're wonderful. >> seth: oh, well thank you, john. you're wonderful too. >> and you're handsome. >> seth: thank you. >> and you're smart. >> seth: i know. >> and i just love watching you. >> seth: you know, i feel -- >> hold me. >> seth: some days i feel handsome. >> yeah. >> seth: and then other days john stamos comes out and i feel like the bottom of the shoe. i gotta be honest.
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[ laughter ] 'cause if we are talking handsome, you're the real deal. >> talk to bob saget about that. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] oh, he doesn't think you're handsome, bob? >> no, he does. >> seth: he doesn't. all right. well, now i was so -- you, in this show, you play a 50-year-old grandfather. >> yeah. >> seth: now obviously in real life, you're aging backwards, we can all see that. [ laughter ] but what was your reaction when you were first with the idea of a show called "grandfathered" where you are the grandfather? >> it started out is a -- we talked about doing a show where a bachelor, sort of a george clooney type before he, you know, sold all that out and got married. [ laughter ] sort of like a bachelor kind of guy who finds out he has a son. and then we added that my son had a daughter. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> so, and they said what do you -- we tried every title. and they said, "what do you think of 'grandfathered?'" i said, "what do you think of [ bleep ] you. no. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] yeah, you can't do that. but it's fine. you can do -- we all know it's a part. it's just a part. >> what would you -- what would you title it? you're an improv guy. come on, seth. come on, baby. >> seth: "old bachelor!" >> yeah! >> seth: yeah. >> o.b. >> seth: o.b. >> o.d.b. >> seth: the original o.b. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah, there you go. >> ol' dirty bachelor. [ laughter ] >> seth: ol' dirty bachelor is not bad. >> yeah. not bad right.
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>> seth: there you go. all right, now we got it. >> o.d.b. >> seth: it's late, though. you can't change the title now. so i wanna -- and also you work with the baby on the show is twins, right? >> yeah, that's right. >> seth: you've done that before. you've done the twin thing. >> i made a couple twins very wealthy a long time ago. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and we're gonna do it again. >> seth: i hope these young twins are smart enough to know that you're the gravy train for twins who want to make cash. >> i made them sign a deal that if we ever do a reunion of "grandfathered" 20 years later, they have to be on it. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. that's good. [ cheers and applause ] that's the way to do it. so, i want to talk about "fuller house," congratulations. >> thank you. >> seth: already picked up for another season. >> yes, thank you. >> seth: did -- what made you decide, not just you, but everybody. like what -- or i guess you personally to go back to it again? >> i felt enough time went by. and i was -- i spent a lot of time in the theatre out here. very proud of, you know, a good theatre career. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> i mean, leaving the show, i loved it, but i felt like i really need to do something other than, you know, say, "have mercy" and what ever that was about. so i did "er" for years and, you know, and i finally felt, "okay, i've done enough stuff.
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it's time to go back to that." >> seth: had you -- when was the last time you watched it before you went back to it? >> never. >> seth: really? did you watch it when it aired? >> no, we did -- you know, about six, seven years ago jeff franklin, the original creator, and myself we got together and said let's do a spinoff. everybody wants, you know, something with the show. so, i watched the pilot. it was pretty funny. you know? >> seth: yeah. i'm glad you liked it. [ laughter ] >> it was good, yeah. that's about it. and we thought it was funny 'cause the baby was, you know, messed her diapers. you'll have this. when's your -- when are you due? >> seth: soon. like two months. >> can your baby act? do you know? >> seth: we don't know yet. >> have you checked it? [ laughter ] >> seth: we tried with the sonogram, i just yell out characters. >> right and she does them, yeah. >> seth: and it hasn't anything yet. >> nothing. oh, yeah. right. >> seth: just a lump. >> if she's good, send her over, we'll make her money. >> seth: okay. thank you so much. >> thank you. >> seth: now the show, always beloved. obviously successful, hugely successful. maybe "full house," maybe safe to say never been a critical darling. >> what's the opposite of darling? [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. now, i bring this up because we were talking back stage "fuller house," and again, a success, renewed for another
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season. >> right. >> seth: there have been some mean reviews. >> it was funny. when it first came out -- and i was nervous about doing this again because, you know, it's so beloved as you say and i didn't wanna disappoint people. so i thought it turned out well and people seemed to like it. and i read a couple nice reviews. but then there were these -- and i have nothing against reviewers. they've given great reviews. "grandfathered," you know, got love letters. but these were so sort of whacky. and they're real. we were talking about them. did you -- >> seth: yeah, yeah. we have here -- i want you to be able to look at them as well. >> all right. >> seth: 'cause these are actual -- >> i'm not a grandfather. [ laughter ] >> seth: do you want -- the "hollywood reporter." do you want me to read it? >> yeah. yeah. >> seth: "hollywood reporter" said, "it's doubtful that there will be a more painful 2016 tv episode than the 'fuller house' pilot." [ audience boos ] >> i mean, he was watching -- he was being mauled by a bear when he watched that. >> seth: you think that was -- >> "the revenant." >> seth: and then he was tying it to that. >> right. >> seth: yeah. >> you'll love episode two, daniel. [ laughter ] >> seth: right. the pilot -- >> of course -- >> seth: i mean if the pilots painful i just said enough. >> yeah. i mean it's the pilot. i mean, how [ bleep ] rude, right? [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that's really rude. "washington post" said there's a
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point where -- >> give the guy's name, by the way. you're missing the name. >> seth: all right, hank stuever. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: i hope i'm saying that right, hank. >> doesn't matter. [ laughter ] >> seth: "there's a point where nostalgia becomes more like necrophilia and 'fuller house' immediately crosses that line." [ audience ohs ] that's pretty good, right? >> you got -- raise your hand. do you know what necrophilia is? [ laughter ] do we have to explain it to them? >> seth: it means you have sex with a dead body. [ laughter ] >> i mean, how, i mean, that's what it means. like -- like -- >> seth: he wrote that about kid's show. this is a family show. >> is necrophilia if you get screwed by a dead magazine? [ audience ohs ] >> seth: that might be what happened. >> oh, come on. that's easy compared to -- that's a baby, to having sex with dead corpse. >> the "a.v. club" was nice, though. >> the "a.v. club?" what did they say? >> seth: the "a.v. club" was nice. >> yeah. >> seth: joshua alston said, "netflix's 'fuller house' is like a porn parody without the porn." [ laughter ] >> what is that? i mean what -- >> seth: it's a nice turn of the phrase. >> no, it's not nice.
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there actually, there's a real porn -- i shouldn't say this. >> seth: is there? >> there's a real porn that just came out. it's called -- [ whispers ] >> seth:"full of holes?" >> hey, woah! [ laughter ] my hand to god. and it's really very specific with the catch phrases. >> seth: yeah. >> i think there's a lot of -- >> seth: well, look if you're watching a porn parody you want the fun of "full house." >> i binge watched that. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> you know how you're supposed to binge watch these things. >> seth: yeah. "new york times." >> what's the guys name? >> seth: james poniewozik. >> okay. >> seth: "the series begins as a sitcom family reunion. it becomes self-conscious, dated, and maudlin reminder of the ceaseless march of time in your inevitable demise." [ laughter ] >> would you -- like -- >> seth: it's really, look, so he liked it. he like it. [ laughter ] >> okay, good. >> seth: that one, that's a -- of these, he liked it the most. >> right. james, it's "fuller house," not "room" for god sakes. but those are -- those would be like, you would write those as a parody, right? >> seth: yeah. those they are real people. >> anyway, you know what, the
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fans loved this show. and after five days, it was released only four, five days ago. netflix said let's do a second season. >> seth: that's great. >> so i thank the fans for that. >> seth: where is -- speaking of the fans. [ cheers and applause ] speaking of fans where is the craziest place you have run into a "full house" fan in your career? >> there he is, on the drums, right there. [ laughter ] >> seth: just today? >> yep. >> seth: great. >> patrick, tell the story. one day they were doing a new album and he was doing an interview, he was walking out, and they said, "what's new on the new album?" and he said, "john stamos is playing drums." and they believed him. and that went out that i was playing for the black keys. >> seth: wow. >> right. >> yeah. our records might be better if you played. [ laughter ] >> no, i doubt it. i doubt it. >> seth: well, congratulations on everything. >> thank you. >> seth: congratulations on continuing this show and your new show as well. it's always so lovely to see you. >> thank you. >> seth: now give it up for john stamos, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] new episodes of "grandfathered" air tuesday nights on fox and "fuller house" is streaming on netflix now. we'll be right back with jay pharoah. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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click it in to enjoy clean freshness with every flush. lysol. start healthing. ♪ yeah, click ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. you know our next guest form his work as a cast member on "saturday night live." "snl" returns live this week with host, jonah hill, and musical guest, future. please welcome to the show, my friend, jay pharoah. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: such a pleasure, my friend. >> yes, sir. how you doing today? >> seth: now, you're right down the hall. and it's always nice to see you. i want to give you credit 'cause of all the political stuff this year, there's been a lot of good stuff on the show. your ben carson, exceptional. >> thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: now i've even read -- i even read today, because he sort of suspend his campaign, i read someone said the best thing about his campaign was the jay pharoah impression. [ laughter ] >> amen. >> seth: can you give us -- can you give us a little a farewell as ben carson? >> you wanna know what's funny, seth? seth, it's not even an impression. it's just me being the creepiest thing i can think of. [ laughter ] because he just -- >> seth: there it is. [ laughter ] >> are you ready for this check up? i'm like, ooh. [ laughter ] just nasty -- you know? i would not want to get a prostate exam by that man. >> seth: no, i don't think so. you -- but, of course, there are also politicians you impersonate. the president, barack obama, that you got a chance to meet. >> yes, sir. that's right. >> seth: and here you are. there's a photo. you did a rap with the first lady. >> yes. yes. >> seth: and this is you in the office. and that is the least jay pharoah outfit i've ever seen on you. [ laughter ] i've known you for six years, i've never seen you wear -- >> i would never wear that voluntarily. >> seth: yeah. >> like -- >> seth: that's like you going under cover as me. [ laughter ] >> it's like very j. crewish. you know? >> seth: it's very j. crewish, yeah. >> yeah.
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>> seth: now do you -- how was it, i mean, obviously you met them before. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: how it is when you meet someone like him that you impersonate? >> you know, you just hope that you don't say the wrong thing because you know that he has snipers and you don't want to get taken out. >> seth: right. yeah. you would have to really have to cross the line for him to have a sniper take you out. >> yeah. but you know anytime you see like members of the secret service with, like, machine guns and you see them, like, playing words with friends, you're like, "what's happening here?" [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. that's not right. >> you don't wanna tick that person off. >> seth: you don't wanna tick that person off. >> i did not. but barack loves it, man. he loves it. he loves it. he was like, "i -- well, i think it's pretty good. [ laughter ] i actually like what you do. but i believe you're playing me a little too straight. [ laughter ] i like to have fun. turn up, bitch." i was like, "whoa!" [ laughter and applause ] great. so dope. >> seth: now, i, you know, at the "snl" 40th there were obviously a bunch of cast members there, a bunch of ex-hosts. >> yeah.
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>> seth: and i'm thinking for the people like you, you know, the dana carvey's, who do impressions, there were a lot of people there that you'd done over the years. and you ran into some people you did. i know i saw jay z, talking to jay z. how is -- is he a fan. >> he -- when jay z saw me at the after party at the 40th he was like, "yo, what up fake jay z?" [ laughter ] i was like, "hey. what's up, hova?" and i was like, "yo, man, can i get a picture?" he was like, "ha ha, no. no." [ laughter ] >> seth: no picture? >> "no, because, you know, i don't want like a lot of people, like, coming up to me. you know? i just feel like, yo, we all, we havin' a good time. yeah." >> seth: there you go. [ laughter ] >> i was like, "great." >> seth: and what about eddie murphy? that was most excited -- >> oh, my gosh. >> seth: the most excited i was to see anybody. >> that was so surreal for me because you all know that eddie murphy is my idol. you all know that, right? >> seth: yeah. we all know that. i really look up to him. yeah, right. >> seth: i introduced you as that. >> yeah. [ laughter ] it was so cool. actually, louis c.k. brought me over to him. and louis was like -- he was like, "you wanna meet ed?" i was like, "sure." he takes me over there and eddie murphy was like, "oh,
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yeah. i know exactly who you are. yeah, exactly." [ laughter ] he said, " it's something about your will smith impression. your will smith is amazing. [ laughter ] like, i love it." [ cheers and applause ] and then -- and like, i didn't know what to say. i was like, "oh, my god, i don't know what to say." like he turned me into a dominican woman. >> seth: oh, no. >> like he turned me dominican. i was like, "oh, my god, mr. murphy, i love you. i can't believe this, papi. oh, my god, i love you" -- [ laughter ] he was like, "yeah, it's a little weird. i'm going to get a drink. all right." >> seth: now, did you watch the oscars? did you enjoy the oscars? >> i did. >> seth: you did. >> i thought chris rock did a very good job. >> seth: all right. >> you know, we actually -- yeah, yeah. definitely. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: great job. >> yeah. >> seth: fantastic. >> we actually did -- we did top five. but, you know, chris, i love chris but just the little mermaid sebastian hands that he has it just -- you know -- [ as chris rock ] ♪ under da sea under da sea crabs ♪ [ laughter ] i'm like, wow.
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but he -- thank you. thank you. he did it, you know, i feel like he did a great job with all the pressure that, you know, he had. like, i said this in an interview before, i was like, "people are going to get mad anyway." >> seth: absolutely. >> "so say what ever you wanna say." >> seth: say what you want. now this i'm very excited about because i heard you have a new impression that you're not gonna be able to do on the show, they're gonna give it to somebody else. but oscars, we're talking about oscars, is it true you've got a dicaprio? >> i do have a leonardo dicaprio. >> seth: okay. all right. >> yes. >> seth: so this is -- this would be something you could do on radio. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> wait, don't make me laugh. [ laughter ] he goes, "yeah, well, it's been a long time coming. i finally won and, it's hello from the other side." i don't know. i feel like i need work but you know, if i screen -- [ applause ] wait, wait, wait. i feel like he's, like, "you know, i should have won this like a long time ago. i mean, i didn't, you know, but, you know, now that i won it, you know, everybody can" -- i don't know. [ laughter ]
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>> seth: all right. >> i don't know what to say. >> seth: it's getting there. >> it's getting there. >> seth: it's getting there. and you've plenty, so you don't need it. >> so many. >> seth: thank you so much. always so great to see you. and you got a new film coming out, "get a job." [ cheers and applause ] >> "get a job." >> seth: march 25th? >> "get a job" comes out march 25th. yeah, it's me, miles teller, anna kendrick, bryan cranston. >> seth: fantastic. >> brandon t. jackson. yeah. >> seth: all right, i can't wait. always good to see you, buddy. have a great show on saturday. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: jay pharoah. "snl," jonah hill, future. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to tina fey, john stamos, jay pharoah, everybody. patrick carney, thanks for the week. 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: well, hello there. i'm carson daly and you have tuned into "last call" from sky room. tonight, day wave debuts from teragram ballroom. and we "spotlit"

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